11 December 2023
Is a “Thousand Bravos” too much for a child?
Reading time 1,5'
Not a day goes by that we don’t feel proud of our children and their “achievements”.
Their achievements make us feel spontaneous and sincere joy and often create in us the need for heartfelt reward.
Rewarding children is a process that they deeply need.
It functions as positive reinforcement and creates an occasion and reason for even more intensive future efforts. It strengthens their self-confidence and shapes a stable and autonomous adult.
“Bravo” is therefore necessary! A little caution, however, parents! All the best in the case of excellence!
Recent research has shown that the tendency of parents to over-reward their children may have negative results, almost identical to the complete lack of it.
What are the negative consequences of such a practice?
According to experts, constant praise sends the wrong message.
Specifically, it creates the impression that the child must seek approval from his parents for every action he takes. Thus, he enters into a permanent process of seeking their attention with new achievements.
It turns out that “Thousand Well Done” is a heavy burden for children.
Furthermore, constant rewards lose the sincere nature they should have.
Children do not realize when they did something special and why their parents are rewarding them.
Ultimately, they end up confusing situations and not being able to distinguish the “quality” of their actions.
So, let's see below how we can praise our children correctly:
We explain the reasons clearly to them.
If we want to say “Bravo” for a beautiful drawing, it is valuable, along with the bravo, to tell the child exactly what we find beautiful in their drawing. Maybe a color, or a shape, or the subject they chose. This makes the child feel that we really pay attention and appreciate their effort.
We avoid exaggerations with "honorific adjectives".
If the child acquires an “exaggerated” view of himself and his abilities, then he will have difficulty integrating into other environments, such as school for example.
At school, there will obviously not be a corresponding climate of acceptance and reward, and so he will often have a feeling of frustration. The child will have difficulty adapting and will find himself in a position of constantly seeking recognition and admiration.
We limit ourselves.
Our children are great at everything they do and we know it. But we limit our enthusiasm and reward them only when it really makes sense. This way, our “Bravo” becomes meaningful to our child!
We commend the effort.
If we focus on the effort the child made, then he gets the message that it is worth trying. The effort is more important than the final result.
We praise by making the child the judge.
Instead of saying ‘I’m thrilled with what you did,’ or simply ‘wow, that’s fantastic what you did,’ we can say, ‘you must be very proud that you did something so beautiful.’ It’s important that instead of us being the judge and the one who “weighs” the child’s worth, the child himself should be the one for himself.