11 December 2023
Praise: why it encourages children [and what else has an encouraging effect]
Reading time 1,5'
It’s reasonable to think that praise encourages children. However, we should use it sparingly.
If a child learns to see praise as a reward, then its lack becomes problematic.
If he is not praised for anything he does, then the child feels like he has failed.
If he is not praised, he gets the false impression that he has no value.
Such a child does things with the hope of being praised and not for his own personal satisfaction.
Stanford professor Carol Dweck, PhD, has confirmed Alfred Adler’s teaching years later that constant praise is bad for children.
Dweck found that praise can make children reluctant to take risks.
Children who were praised for being smart after completing a task chose easier tasks in the future. They didn’t want to risk making a mistake.
On the other hand, children who were “encouraged” for their efforts were willing to choose more difficult tasks when given the choice.
That's why we shouldn't praise the child himself, but only characterize his action positively.
For example: instead of ‘You’re so good at math! Well done!’ if we want to encourage the child, we can say ‘Congratulations, you worked hard and deserve the grade you got.’ The difference is subtle, but it makes all the difference in how the child perceives what we say. In the first case, we praise the child, we characterize him, while in the second, we reward the child’s effort.
Simple words like ‘I’m glad you can do it!’ ‘That’s great,’ ‘I appreciate what you’ve done,’ ‘See? You can do it!’ are words of encouragement.
Courage is the one who can make mistakes and fail without feeling bad about himself. This courage to be imperfect is just as important for children as it is for adults.