31 July 2025
Did you upset the child? Make amends.
Reading time 2'
You are a parent and every day you have thousands of negotiations with your children – to set boundaries, to stay calm when they do things that push your “red” buttons, to guide them with their schoolwork, to deal with their personal hygiene, their social interactions and much, much more.
As a modern parent, you have been informed about the new data of education and in general you are in an internal balance and a relative calm prevails in your home.
And in a moment...
You’ve come home from work with all your mental baggage, the kids want to tell you what happened and are arguing with each other, the house is a mess and you have to calm down the toddler who has a tantrum, the middle daughter who is whining because her screen time is over and answer your eldest son about whether he can stay at his friend’s for the night. And of course, at that moment you forget everything you know, and you start shouting non-stop. You say things you wish you had never said. And then, after everyone calms down, hurt by your behavior, the remorse comes. Mercilessly, they scratch your head about how you behaved.
The above scenario is an extreme scenario, but extremely realistic.
However, there may also be small moments during the day when you have not behaved as you would like, such as Not giving your child enough time in the morning and abruptly pulling him into the car to catch school, speaking abruptly when the child wanted to ask you a question, yelling to leave the playground, threatening the child that you would throw his toys if he didn’t get off the couch, etc.
We are human and it is normal to run away, but what do we do when we realize the mistake?
The answer is that we simply make amends. We apologize to our child for the wrong behavior we had, which we do not consider right. This can be done in two ways:
On-site
The moment you make a mistake and realize that something is wrong, you stop the shouting or abrupt behavior and address the child by saying:
“Oh, honey, I’m sorry for shouting and being abrupt, let’s start over.”
We'll bring the event back later.
If the above is not possible at that moment because you are emotionally charged, when things calm down and you feel better, you can bring the incident back to the child and apologize. No excuses are needed, just a simple apology with empathy and a discussion of the cause of the conflict, depending on the child’s age and his/her willingness to discuss it. If he/she does not, the apology alone is enough to reconnect with the child and the incident is considered over.
‘Apologizing’ clearly communicates to the child that the behavior you had towards him/her was wrong.
So, there is no reason for remorse and guilt when something has gone wrong. There is a solution for everything, and a very effective one!