When the child doesn’t want to go to bed

Children’s job is to play. And of course, they never want to interrupt it to do anything else, including going to bed at the time we tell them to! Therefore, what would help is to create a bedtime routine that has the elements of a beautiful moment of connection with our child, and is pleasant for the child so that he wants to make the transition from play to bedtime. This can include reading a fairy tale, some relaxation games, conversation at ages over 3, soft music, children’s meditation. At older ages when the child is already going to bed alone, talking about his day or about something that is bothering him is a very beautiful way to say good night to our child.

Every transition is difficult for children, especially when they are young. They have other priorities and these mostly include playing! Therefore, they cannot suddenly stop doing something they enjoy and do what we tell them. Even for us, this would be difficult. Therefore, they need a little help. So what can we do:

It certainly doesn’t help to make 100 reminders and in the end scream just because it is humanly impossible not to do it after so much effort. The child will follow our instructions, but he will be afraid and will do it half-heartedly and obediently, which damages our relationship and does not help the child learn to cooperate with us. Therefore, what is needed is to help him by understanding and recognizing the sacrifice he must make to do what we want, and to point it out to him! So, we set the limit in simple words, but with empathy. ‘I know you are having fun and it is difficult for you to go to bed right now. And it is already late, my love, unfortunately! Come on, let’s go choose the fairy tale for today.’

If the child has a bedtime routine that is pleasant to him, it is certainly easier for him to follow our guidance. But even then, it does not mean that he will do it every time. We can tell him that it is time for bed and he ignores us. In this case, our job is to insist on our limit, to show the child that we are serious about what we say. Always with respect, with kind but firm words, and with composure. We do not withdraw by letting him continue playing undisturbed, because then we teach him to ignore us every time. ‘I don’t know if you heard me, my love, it is time for our fairy tale, come on, let’s go choose it!’ If we want, we can suggest that he play for another 5 minutes, and after 5 minutes, we return with our limit.

When a parent tries to put two or more children to bed, it takes special skill and ingenuity! It is not easy at all, especially when the age difference between the children is small. Here, it would help – and it is legitimate – for each child to have a different bedtime, so that the parent can devote some time to each child. If this is not possible, either the children should be together, or, to teach one child, who is usually the oldest, to wait for a while. Of course, the only reason a child will wait when the parent knows that his sibling is with him is that he will have the parent’s exclusivity immediately afterwards and the same! And until he learns this, we can count on a few days of fun chaos as we set boundaries!

Bedtime is a difficult time for parents and children! We can openly admit this. All parents struggle with this difficult boundary, in which we have to gain our child’s cooperation. However, there are ways in which it can be made easier and gradually for children to get used to a specific routine that includes a consistent bedtime and a beautiful moment of connection with the parent.